M
y stomach knotted as my eyes followed Joshua moving through the crowd. He walked to the front row and stood next to the grandmother he had only known for two days. Joshua reached over and held her hand during the prayer.
Staring at the faces of those around the casket, I easily identified Greg's brother. They looked just alike. His sisters resembled their mother. I had avoided all of them at the church. What was there to say?
Joshua stood facing the casket with his back to me. I knew he really didn't hate me, he was just angry. My dad had been right, my secret had come back to haunt me. The whispers in my shadows were now screaming. Joshua had had the best of everything, including memories of a loving father. Jason loved him. Greg left him and me. The moment felt fanatical. I attempted to get out of the car for air, but the door was too heavy. I let the window down and let myself sink down in the seat.
I have planted seeds of wisdom in you. Nana's words resonated in my head. What had I learned? Life hurts. I hadn't learned that from wisdom, I learned that from pain. The sparrow had fallen and I wasn't sure God was watching.